Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off you when you die !

What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog!

What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human.

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer.
You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do?
Shoot the lawyer, twice !!

What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?)
I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets !

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier?
Lipstick !

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from a plane?
Skeet.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

Why has there never been a reported case of a shark biting a lawyer?
Professional courtesy !

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a lost hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; all of the other three are mythical creatures!