John died and arrived in Hell. He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder, gentler, more customer focused Hell, each person is offered
three choices of torture. The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1,000-year cycles and you could pick which cycle to begin with. The Devil took
John to the first room where a man was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. John said he did not think that was where he wanted to
start. They proceeded to the next room where a man was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a cat-o-nine-tails. John also declined
this form of torture. The third room had a old man strapped to the wall naked, and a very beautiful young blonde woman was performing oral sex upon
him. John told the Devil this is more like it, and this was the one he wanted. 
The Devil said, "Are you sure? It lasts for a thousand years!"  
John assured him this was the punishment he wanted. So the Devil walked over to the young blonde woman and said ... ...

"You can go now, I've found your replacement."